| Birth-Bris/Brita-Naming | Consecration-Starting School | Bar/Bat Mitzva | Confirmation |
| Driving | Graduation | Wedding | Death-Funeral-Unveiling-Yahrzeit |
Birth/Bris/Birth of a Daughter/Naming
Naming: It is tradition to name a newborn after a deceased relative. This is to honor that relative, so that he may continue to live through the child, with the hope that the child will grow up with the same good characteristics as the namesake.
"The Eve of the Sixth": is the first celebration for a newborn, male or female, in the Babylonian tradition. It takes place on the evening of the newborn's fifth day (relates to Hamsa : to ward off evil spirits). The mother and child both have a Hamsa pin attached to their clothing. A paste is made with baby powder and water, and each is dabbed on the forehead with it. The naming of the baby takes place at this time. each of the guests, usually close family, is given a "good bag" containing nuts, candy, and a lot of popcorn. The white always connotes good luck.
Honoring the Birth of a Daughter (Excerpts from Women and Religious Judaism by ):
"Despite the fact that numerous rituals have been developed around the naming of a son, there has been scant traditional ritual around the women in the picture - whether as mothers or as daughters....Ceremonies for newborn Jewish girls have actually existed for centuries; they have just been out of fashion in the Ashkenazi communities. There have always been more elaborate ceremonies - sometimes including amulets for warding off evil spirits - among Sephardim (Eve of the Sixth). In fact, the Celebration for the Gift of a Daughter appears in the Sephardic Daily and Sabbath Prayerbook and includes readings and blessings for family and child.
"Fortunately this is less true now than it was a decade ago. Now not only is there an array of ceremonies being written to welcome a newborn girl, but also there is greater public expectation that there will be such a ceremony - even in Orthodox families. New ceremonies for naming a daughter have proliferated in the ten years since Jewish women have made a concerted effort toward greater inclusion in Jewish ritual. Some popular favorities are Brit B'not Yisrael (the covenant of the daughters of Israel), Brit Kedusha (the covenant of sanctification), Simchat Bat (rejoicing in a daughter), Brit Bat Tzion (covenant of a daughter of Zion).
Brit Rechitza: Water. Washing. Welcoming. A ritual naming ceremony composed by a group of women rabbis suggests immersing the feet of the infant girl into water, reminiscent of Miriam's song at the Red Sea, or Rebecca at the well. Also the covenant with Noah after the flood is the second covenant involving all humanity. A baby girl can be welcomed into that covenant, where "Mayim hayim" is the life giving water after the flood,
Other Resources on this topic
Bris/Brit Milah: refers to the circumcision that takes place on the 8th day of the newborn male, based on the covenant with Abraham.
Pidyon Haben: is a religious ritual that takes place on the 31st day of the male firstborn. The birth has to be a normal vaginal birth rather than a caesarian section, and there cannot be any preceding miscarriages or stillbirths. Essentiall"y, in Biblical times a non-Cohen first male newborn is born to service in the tabernacle in the desert. The family has to redeem ("pidyon means redemption) the baby from this service to the Temple. The contemporary way of looking at the ritual is that, by exchanging our child for 5 shekels (or 5 silver dollars), we acknowledge that we have a gift from God, and we must consciously accept responsibility for caring for the child.
In the Babylonian tradition, the family honors a friend, who must be a Cohen, from whom the child can be redeemed (or "bought back"). The ritual includes haggling over price, in good fun... Naturally, there is feasting afterwards.
The coins are symbolic and are usually returned to the family as a keepsake. Family "lucky " coins or silver dollars can be used. It is suggested an equivalent sum be donated to Tzedakah in the child's name.
Link: for a more detailed orthodox reference to this tradition.
Consecration
When a child starts their Jewish education it is traditional for the parents and children to make it a celebration. Often the children are given small Torahs to signify the beginning of their learning.
Tallit-Tzitzit Tying Ceremony: We make our own tallit, by first selecting a favorite fabric. We have the Atara embroidered or specially decorated. The night before the mitzva event, we have a gathering where all the close friends and relatives help tie the Tzitzit on the four corners.
14 Candle Ceremony: This is not a Jewish ceremony per se , but it relates to the "birthday" aspect of the event, adding more fun to the celebration. It also presents the opportunity to honor additional guests. It can be organized in various ways. We asked the "honored" guests or relatives to light a candle and then tell a brief anecdote about our Bar/Bat Mitzva. He/she, in turn, lights the 14th candle and uses this as an opportunity to welcome/thank all the guests.
Parasha-based or Tzedakah-based Theme and Decorations: Sometimes the parasha or Torah portion lends itself to the theme and decorations used at the event. Instead of flowers on the bemah and tables, fruits, nuts, books and/or toys can be used for the centerpieces, and they can be donated to the local foodbank after the event.
A Special Blessing for the Bar/Bat Mitzvah from Parents: In the tradition of Moses as he blessed each of the tribes a blessing should be given to their child upon this special occasion. Note the Blessings from Moses (Deut 34:1-8) it is a special way to offer a blessing to a person or family that tells of their character and the hopes for the future.
The Tradition of Timeless Gifts for a Bar/Bat Mitzva or Graduation : Long before the disposable ballpoint pen, the replaceable battery-operated Timex watch and the check or gift certificate, two gifts were a must for a young person: a fountain pen for a bar/bat mitzvah and a Swiss watch for the high school graduate.
The pen may be symbolic of the learning and the writing that has yet to be accomplished, just as the watch may represent the young person’s hopefully long and fruitful life ahead. Since a pen and a watch were meant to serve one for his/her lifetime, they were appropriately made to last for a lifetime (and even then passed on to the next generation), with timeless designs. Pen makers and watchmakers were recognized artisans, just as the repairers were respected members of the community.
Nowadays, some retirees get a gold watch from their employer as a retirement gift, sometimes referred to as "the timepiece to help us watch our life tick to an end." Obviously the old custom of the watch at graduation is more hopeful and meaningful! Recently, an interest has been rekindled in those old pens and watches that belonged to "grandpa" or " great uncle." Many have become collectors’ items. Also new fountain pens and high end watches have become popular again. Of course, most expensive new watches are battery-operated, making the old gear-operated ones even more desirable.
TraditionsRenewed offers a selection of fountain pens from Waterford, a company renowned for its impeccable design and high quality crystal. This is the second best way to put your youth on a path of meaningful and timeless collecting. Of course, the absolute best way is to start with passing on your family heirlooms first!
I was contacted by someone who asked "why does a mother slap her daughter when she first starts menstruation?". And it started research on this custom as a tradition.
I found a wonderful site with many different rituals and customs for this life cycle event. And yes, I did find that it was an Askenazi custom (minhag) for mothers to slap their daughters in the face on this occasion. The reasons varied from 'slapping sense' into a newly fertile girl so she would know not to disgrace the family to helping to bring a healthy flush to her face because of the bleeding. This is more of a superstition than a tradition and is also said to keep the evil spirits away.
Of all the alternative customs I read about the one I like best is to take that time to plant a new fruit tree in the honor of the young woman. But I also learned it is a good idea to have a feast including fruits like pomegranates to celebrate and wish good blessings along with the responsibility of becoming a woman.
Typically Confirmation is when a young adult/teenager completes 10 or 11 years of religious school and makes a commitment to continuing to study and practice Judaism in their life. The ceremony of Confirmation was initially based on a similar event in many Christian organizations. It is because of this that some Jews do not recognize this as part of the lifecycle in our tradition.
Nevertheless, it does fill a need for the teenager. It represents an extension of learning about Judaism beyond Bar or Bat Mitzvah. It represents an accomplishment by a young person in their continuing to learn about their heritage. Confirmation services are a good way to recognize these students for their accomplishments.
Typically the Confirmation Service is planned, organized and implemented by the students. It is most often a Shabbat service for the congregation with different parts of the service, leading of prayers, reading of Torah, Haftorah, and the presentation of a D'var Torah by the students as a way to confirm their commitment to Jewish Life.
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Blessing by a Parent to the Child upon receiving a Driver's License:
A special ceremony has been written by Rabbi Janet Marder of Congregation Beth Am in Los Altos, California for a short presentation by a parent to a new driver upon receiving a driver's license, This major life cycle event for most young people signifies a major step towards their independence and responsibilities. The ritual is short but poignant and ends with the traditional prayer for bringing us to a significant point in our lives, the Sheheheyanu. Traditions Renewed offers this ceremony and a special key chain that includes the quote from Deuteronomy, "Choose Life".
Life cycle events are very important and much effort goes into highlighting them. Of course, there is a prayer that applies to each event, with a gathering of family members (at the very least), or even a mini celebration. Some, such as a Bar Mitzva, go back to Biblical times; others have evolved with the times, such as a Bat Mitzva or Graduation. Recently, it is felt that the ability to drive a car, recognized by a Driving License, should also be considered a life cycle event with a special prayer. After all, driving is a privilege as well as a big responsibility. Rabbi Janet Marder of Congregation Beth Am has suggested a prayer to emphasize the importance of this event. TraditionsRenewed offers a package that includes an inscribed key chain to hold the car key, the prayer to be recited, and a description of the ritual.
Going to a graduation ceremony you often see students wearing a lei of flowers.... The Jewish equivalent might be to give the graduate a special mezuzzah to wear for the occasion.
We are still looking for appropriate Jewish traditions around highschool and college graduation.
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Chupah: The Chupah can be made from various things, as long as it is "temporary." A wonderful tradition is to make one from a family heirloom tablecloth or bedspread. One can bind the edges with silk or decorate with a variety of meaningful appliques. A Chupah must have Tzitzit, like the corners on a Tallit. You can have a gathering of close friends and family to help tie the knots on the Tzitizit.
The Glass/Glasses: We had wine glasses printed with our own wedding designs as favors and gifts for our guests. The first glass out of the box became the one that we broke in the ceremony (some have used a light bulb, because it is easier to break). We broke the real thing! The pieces were placed in a nice velveteen bag, to have as a keepsake. TR offers Wedding Glasses.-
Candle Ceremony: A candle lighting ceremony based on a story from Ba'al Shem Tov (the Besh't, the founder of Hasidism), is described in The New Jewish Wedding by Anita Diamant. There are three candles; two are lit by two honorees. The bride and groom use the lit candles to ignite the third one. "From every human being there rises a light that reaches straight to heaven. And when two souls that are destined for each other find one another, their streams of light flow together and a single brighter light goes forth from their united being."
Mazinka: At the wedding of a daughter (more recently the last child either male or female), the children placed the parents in the center of a circle and dance the "mazinka" around them. It is a special dance, and the music can be found in most Jewish wedding music books, including The Jewish Wedding Music Book, by Sol Zim.
Usually, toward the end of the reception, the parents celebrating the mezinka will sit in chairs in the middle of the dance floor. Often, a crown of flowers will be put on their heads, and people, including the married couple, will dance in a circle around them for a few minutes while the band plays a traditional mezinka song.
link to an MP3 of one of these songs.
The Henna Feast takes place a couple of days before the wedding, in the Babylonian tradition. Only close friends and relatives are invited. Henna is mixed with water and some glitter to form a doughy paste. It is shaped into eleven balls, the size of a ping pong ball and are placed on a silver tray decorated with flowers and candles. The bridal couple are seated in two chairs that are placed in the center of the room; the henna tray is on a side table nearby. During singing and dancing around the couple, the groom, both sets of parents, family and friends give the bride wedding presents, usually jewelry. This stems from the old times, when jewelry was the bride's only security for her future family in case of hard times, since the husband controlled all the money, including any dowry that her parents may have given him. There are no other presents at the wedding! Then the bride and groom extend out their hands, palms outward, fingers separated (Hamsa-style, to ward off the evil eye). Eleven honored guests are asked to each take a henna ball and place it on either one of the ten fingers of the bride or on the pinky of the groom. In the old times, these were tied around the bride's fingerccss, so her nails got the henna stain, voila` nail polish! This is followed by a lot of traditional songs. Nowadays, the Babylonian communities in the US, such as NY and Los Angeles, have combined the Henna Feast with the adopted American tradition of a bridal shower. Men and women are invited, and the bride gives the groom a present too, usually a watch! The henna balls are removed very quickly to avoid staining the manicured fingers, or Turkish delight balls are used instead.
Found on web page:http://www.lumleyandlloyd.com/cultural.htm
n the Jewish religion, there are several branches of the faith--Orthodox, Conservative, and Reform (most liberal). Some Jewish customs are dependant upon which branch you practice and follow, and some customs appear within every faction.
One ancient Israeli custom is for the Bride to wear a blue ribbon in her hair as a symbol of her fidelity.
No weddings are held on the Sabbath, on Holy days, or during festival periods. Most ceremonies are performed on Saturday evening after sundown or on Sunday. Ceremonies are performed in both Hebrew and English, and are filled with traditional rituals. Rings are plain gold bands. The Bride wears her ring on the right index finger, except in the Reformed faith where it is worn on the left ring finger.
Bedeken
Orthodox pre-wedding ritual where the Bride is "veiled" by the Groom as a sign of their betrothal.
Breaking the glass
Reminder of the destruction of the Holy Temple in Jerusalem and of other calamities of the Jewish people that should not be forgotten A less religious meaning is sometimes the breaking of the old family and the beginning of a new family as a couple.
Challah
Braided loaf of egg-rich bread. The reception begins with the Blessing over the challah, which is then cut and distributed to each table for good luck.
Hora
Traditional dance where the bride and groom are raised in chairs onto the shoulders of their guests at the reception.
Huppah
A type of canopy under which the ceremony is traditionally performed. The bride may walk around the groom 3 or 7 times, as she arrives under the huppah, symbolizing the woman is a protective wall for her husband and upon stepping inside, that they have a new status or family circle. The parents stand outside the huppah on the sides.
Ketubah
Signing of the marriage contract by the Groom. It is a document in Hebrew detailing the Groom's promise to provide for the Bride. This is read as part of the ceremony and then the ceremony ends with the reciting of the 7 Blessings and the breaking of the glass.
Yarmulkes
In Orthodox and Conservative sects, men are required to cover their heads with yarmulkes (silk toppers). Women wear hats or kerchiefs.
Seven Blessings
Reminder that life's goals are not selfish.
Tanzen
Combinations and story dances like the Hora
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Vidui - Confession by the Gravely Ill:
A confession/prayer said by or for someone who is near death holds many meaningful thoughts about life. While it has different meanings to different people, it is an acknowledgement of both our mortality and the importance of reflection on life:
My God and God of all who have gone before me, Author of life and death, I turn to you in trust. Although I pray for life and health, I know that I am mortal. If my life must soon come to an end, let me die, I pray, at peace.
If only my hands were clean and my heart pure. I confess that I have committed sins and left much undone, yet I know also the good that I did or tried to do. May my acts of goodness give meaning to my life, and may my errors be forgiven.
Protector of the bereaved and the helpless, watch over my loved ones. Into Your hand I commit my spirit; redeem it, O God of mercy and truth.
Here, O Israel, Adonai is our God, Adonai is One.
It is a reflection worthy of thought and a connection to the Jewish people throughout history.
Death/Funeral/Unveiling/Yahrzeit
In the Jewish tradition, mourning for the passing of a loved one is gradually scaled down with specific milestones, making it easier to reach closure and move on with life, yet still remember. The milestones : The first week of Shiva, the first month, the unveiling, the first year memorial service as a formal closure of mourning, and then the annual Yahrtzeit. Visitation of the graveside, a religious mitzva of the highest order, is another way to keep that person alive in our heart. In addition to any special visitation days,, family members routinely try to visit the gravesite on the day of the eve of Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur, Shavuot, and Pesach. Each visit is marked by placing a small stone on the top right hand corner of the gravestone. At the same time, an equal effort is made to keep the deceased very much alive in the heart of the family and friends. Children are named after the deceased to keep their memory alive. Tzedakah in memory of the deceased is a fundamental way Jews honor their dead.
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Unveiling of the Stone Photo of my niece at 2 placing a stone on her grandparent's grave. "I wish she could have know how wonderful her grandparents were." |
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Flowers into the Grave:
When planning my father's funeral, my mother had great difficulty with being the first to put dirt into the grave. We decided to all put flowers into the grave, after the coffin was lowered. This was not against Jewish custom, because flowers come from the earth. It was a nice feeling to toss a flower in as we said our final goodbye at graveside. The rest of the family stayed to do the traditional internment, filing the grave as "hesed shel emet." We kept the same tradition when my mother died later that same year.
Rose Water into the Grave:
In the Babylonian tradition, family and friends sprinkle rosewater into the grave after the coffin is lowered.
Stones on the Grave
TraditionsRenewed offers stones with a prayer inscribed on them, accompanied by a pen with permanent ink to personalize the stone. It is just another way to establish a connection with an ancestor. RemembranceStonestm .For children visiting a grave it is suggested to have them decorate a stone to leave on the grave.
Yahrzeit: Anniversary of a Death:
Each year on the on the anniversary of the death (based on the Hebrew calendar), a candle should be lit and burn all day in the house of the mourner. Underlying this is the verse from Proverbs 20:27, "The spirit of man is the lamp of the Lord." A candle is also lit in memory of the deceased on Yom Kippur Eve.
We offer a battery operated electric candle available that is equally approved and safer for those who do not want to have a fire in the home for 24 hours. Good for nursing homes, dorms and other places where fire is not safe or allowed.
Links about Yahrzeit: